"support" from parents at shows

Discussion in 'Horse Showing and Events' started by cupcake, Apr 23, 2011.

  1. ZaZa

    ZaZa Guest

    I think that ^^^ plays a big part in the problem.
    It's one thing to want to give their kids opportunities that they themselves might not have had but it's another entirely to push too hard.

    So many of these parents talk their kids up so much and over estimate the kids (and the pony's) actual ability. Then when the kids get beaten they cry foul. They blame politics and say it's not what you know, it's who you know.

    I've been disgusted by some of the parents I've seen at shows but I've also cringed at the way some kids speak to their parents.
    But it's hardly surprising really. The kids are a direct reflection of their parents and it's the parent duty to lead by example :}
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2011
  2. cupcake

    cupcake Well-known Member

    yelling at your child because your not close tot hem and they are about to do somthing "unsafe" thats fair enough.

    But if you have to have a "Word" to your child because they are being naughty, then pull them aside away from crowds of people and have a quiet word to them.

    What I was more reffering to was going mental at their riding ability, or after they do a test and they have tried their hardest they get critised by the parents instead of "well done"...

    It may not have been their best, I know mine sure wasnt, we have done better, but i wasnt in the right frame of mind and either was my horse.

    My family, even though some one directed them to the wrong ring 5, missed most of my dressage test, but what htey did see, was horrible, but still said well done I handed his little "tests" well. Show jumping I was eliminated, my frind just gave me a pat on the back and said its ok and that she saw what he did in the warm up ring and said I had balls to proceed into the ring. It was all just words of encourgment from my friends and family.

    Mum called last night to see how we went, I told her what had happened. Really wasnt a sucessfull day in terms of score etc, but we learnt so that was the most important thing. Mum said, she was proud of me, even though I came LAST with our dressage score.

    I remember when I was younger, and I have a home video to prove it but its on tape luckily! haha... I did ballet when i was 4-6 years old and we had this massive concert. All the age groups were in it. The focus was on us though because the little ones are always so cute I guess.

    With everythign going on, with sooo many people watching, little me forgot my routine... so... just free styled it. Now if you can imajain everyone in sinc doing the same thing, there is me breakdancing on the floor. Some lady next to mum apperntly said is that your daughter... mum said no lol... but after when I said im sorry mum, i forgot the moves, and i didnt want to just stand there.. she said that she liked my new dances moves and that maybe I should try as mum put it "rap dancing" lol. Not yelling at me... didnt put me down, tryed to get the positive out of somthing negative.
  3. Standy_lover

    Standy_lover Well-known Member

    My Dad isnt at all horsey lol, so when he does come along its a surprise :p

    I get very very stressed im SO lucky my dad puts up with me *#) even when i mess up he still says good job or you did really good :)

    I love my daddy :p
  4. MmmCookies

    MmmCookies New Member

    Ok over-obsessed parents out there...you know who you are...If you are truly after the very best for your child, in THEIR chosen sport, then step back, ENCOURAGE them, never ever PUSH them, and watch their self-motivation, self-esteem and courage GROW. This is what you're aiming for...right?
  5. cupcake

    cupcake Well-known Member

    well said :)
  6. blitzen

    blitzen Gold Member

    But is it really the kids chosen sport if they're eight yrs old? Teenagers, yes. But little kids? I think that's a bit of the parent coming through...
  7. wattle6180

    wattle6180 Gold Member

    It can be the kids' chosen sport at 8 :) Just as easily as it can be the parents who are left holding the proverbial horse at aged at 16, when the teen changes direction. If it was only ever about fun though...I don't think that hurts very much :D A supportive parent should encourage the steps it takes for the child to develop their own personality (as long as that is tempered with social etiquettes, like rules, laws, manners).
  8. ThatMakKid

    ThatMakKid Active Member

    This kind of relates to this topic...well. What i have noticed this year from Pony Club riders parents...it does make me confused. I used to be a pony club member and had been since day dot 5/6 year old up until last year (18 years) and LOVED it. Loved my pony club, loved the friends i made, and the experiences it gave me.

    However this year chose not to re-join as i dont have time to do the rallies or anything due to mainly sticking to EA eventing. I do still do the odd PC run ODE with the young horses. Have been to both Serpentine's this year and noticed at both events - the way i was sort of looked down upon for what i put it to as being an open rider at a low level!

    For eg. on Saturday a man (who was wearing his PC's shirt - and i wont mention the club) was parked next to me (his daughter was riding). He spent the whole morning snapping at his daughter 'you're late hurry up', 'hes dirty your presentation is shocking' and then grumbling more words when i assumed she had come back from her dressage test.

    He then proceeded to talk to me as if i was some 'feral' - and by all means this is not meant to offend anyone! But literally i felt as though he judged me as being some sort of yanga rider with no idea...making not nice comments about my OTT young horse (mainly about his appearance - we are still getting the weight on him although he is not at all ribby - check some photos in the Serpentine Roll Call thread)

    Im not sure if im doing the right thing by thinking that he is putting it to me being an open rider! Do any other open riders get this sort of treatment ?? Or has this just been my unlucky day parking next to a grumpy dad ha ha ';'
  9. myst

    myst Active Member


    Merlin, I wish I had known, we would have been happy to take you to shows
  10. PELLY20

    PELLY20 Active Member

    I would just like to say that I have always said that the parents that are doing all the yelling at the kids should go and get a horse and do it themselves then they would see how hard it actually is to go an compete at these events.
    I know as a parent myself that it does cost a lot of money and time but if you are not happy letting kids make mistakes and be themselves then dont do the sport.
    My daughter has been riding since she was little and we have had a great time doing it. I only go to events if she wants to do it or we stay home
  11. Merlin

    Merlin Well-known Member

    Awww thankyou Lovely**) Knowone knew not even my mum :( The things kids will do for their passion :)
  12. cupcake

    cupcake Well-known Member

    I pulled out of serpy yesterday because my boy was playing up and didnt want to do my first XC course (and XC jump) when i wasnt comfortable, so went down to watch a bit thisarvo....

    I dont know, maybe its not as bad...

    but when I do my warm up, I like for that time to 1, warm my horse up but 2, for me to calm down, gather myself, breath, and "get my game face" on so to speak.

    I really dont think it fair of parents to be in the warm up area telling their wee little ones what to do and when to do it (in the warm up), trot, canter, left rein... they cant be there calling that out in the test or on the course, so why do it in the warm up.... A competition isnt a place to be giving the person a lesson.

    Sure some one there to support you, walk the course with you, give you some help on what line to take etc... but have to tell you what to do in the warm up is a bit much.

    And if you have some one giving you a "lesson" how are you going to calm down and get yourself ready?

    Anyway, poor kid came off on jump 2 or 3.
  13. Deb2

    Deb2 Guest

    As far as the parents coaching the kids on the day, I have always felt 'if you dont know it by the time the show day arrives, your not going to learn it on the day'.

    I HATE over competitiveness from people on the sideline!

    If you want to be competitive yourself, well and good, but not to be on the sideline barking instructions at anyone else, let alone a kiddie!! Poor form I say, and a shame no one spoke up for the kid....People need to speak up AT THE TIME OF THE OFFENSE.';'

    I would never force my kids to partake in a sport or hobby that they did not really want to do themselves.

    I also do not encourage competition (of any sort) but if my child wanted to compete I would support them 100%.

    Some parents do not realise how their cruel words or mean tones can affect their kids for their whole adult lives....and you cant take it back once its said!

    Poor kiddies I say, and lets all make a pledge to speak up and shame these types of parents.:(
  14. Anna E

    Anna E Guest

    Poor kiddies.. that said sometimes someone may need a good kick up the bum.
    There's a time and a place though.
    I can still remember my dad getting right up me at an ODE because jump 2 was a HUGE wall and I was convinced when we walked the course the pony I had (immensely talented - far more so than I was!) wouldn't jump it... which of course he wouldn't unless I RODE him into it. Dad got right into me about my lack of mental strength and how I was letting my pony down.. first time he'd ever done it to me and I was quite shocked... of course by the time I got to XC I was SO MAD and determined to prove him wrong jump 2 was over before I had time to think!
    But he did all that quietly on the sidelines - not yelling at me in the warm up ring.
  15. Topklass

    Topklass Well-known Member

    By far the worst example I have ever seen was over 30 years ago at Melbourne Royal. A well know and very successful young lady had just turned 18 and competed in her first Garryowen ( for those uninitiated, the Garryowen is the premier Turnout event in Australia) against about 120 other ladies of all ages and recieved a third placing. Any normal mother would have been over the moon and so proud but not that mother. She pulled her daughter off her georgous hack and proceeded to tan her backside with a coathanger!!!! ( It was already straightened out in preparation!) Yelling at her that she should have won and that she was stupid cause she didn't ride better or clean her gear enough!!! God, it was SO embarrassing, especially for the young woman who, thankfully, went on to become one of the best horsewoman that I know.
  16. PetaBizz

    PetaBizz Well-known Member

    I can honestly say that I have packed up both child and pony after my child was rude to me at a show. She was only 7 at the time, had qualified for Champion but I didnt care in the slightest. I pulled her off and marched the pony to the float with my daughter screaming and begging running along behind me.. very embarrassing but there is no way in the world I would tolerate her behaviour! She has never forgotten it and even though she is a 14yo with horns right now, I honestly believe I can take her anywhere with her horse and be proud. She does stress but is certainly very respected in our Pony Club for her manners and helping the other children.

    Yes, there are parents out there who ride through their children. I do run my daughter through some workouts when we get to a show just to warm the horse and her up. I do yell if she isnt listening but mainly because she is generally a long way away from me. If she decided to not listen, I would walk away. Luckily we have not got to that point yet *#)

    I dont think we should all make assumptions though until you know the full story. There are plenty of spoilt little brats who do need to take a good look at themselves and how lucky they are!';'
  17. littleone

    littleone Active Member

    I feel very lucky!
    My mum and Abbeys owner Debonair are very supportive of my riding. Mind you i am nearly 18 years old.
    Had our first ridden show at kelmscott this weekend and they were both very supportive and even when i was crapping myself because abbey just wanted to race my mum just said to take the course how i wanted and not worry about everyone else.
    Although i do agree with children speaking to there parents with no respect if it wa sme when i was younger i would of been marched home straight away!
  18. RedFoto

    RedFoto Active Member

    I was at serpi on the weekend and saw most parents doing exactly what their Kids wanted and needed most...........Being there, well done
  19. cupcake

    cupcake Well-known Member

    Yes red, saw that too... on the bright side :)

    Met one lovley family in the dressage pack up arena who had her mum and dad there helping her.

    **) thumbs up to thoes parents who support their children in the chosen sport.

    But I do agree, if your children misbehave they need to be pulled up on it. It just doesnt need to be done swearing at the top of your lungs in view of other people.
  20. NiccyLovesK

    NiccyLovesK Well-known Member

    I've only been to 1 show, my parents were great except they left right before I won first place :mad: but at least they were always happy with what I achieved and never act silly!

    Some parents I've seen at shows I have gone to watch, omfg, I feel like slapping them and telling the kid they are amazing and ignore the twats who bred them!!! God, some parents are awful to their kids

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