Breakthrough in Morcombe case

Discussion in 'Open Discussions' started by feather feet, Aug 13, 2011.

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  1. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    Well see this is the thing QSS, you know nothing about me so here is part 1 of correcting that...

    1) I have been getting counselling for over 2 years
    2) Counselling does jack sh!t (And Im even studying how to be a counsellor!)
    3) I do partly blame myself but not for the reasons you assume
    4) You have no right to tell me I require counselling regardless of if I do or dont already get it, however maybe a "suggestion" for counselling may have turned this conversation into a different direction.

    Gee still attacks on Cav and not back on track....disappointing. And...while people keep aiming questions at me, it will never get back on track and probably end up closed.

    In fact, I am surprised it isnt already but then again some people here (wont name names but they will know who they are) seem to think I am besties with a mod....let me clear that "assumption" up right now also, I am besties with no mods. :) Get it, got it, good! :)*

    I am happy to disclose personal information to people as long as they are willing to listen with "open minds" and not ASSUME before they have heard the facts and I'll be expecting an apology from you QSS on this forum after we meet.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2011
  2. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    ?? weird hey because you quoted something in your last post??
     
  3. Spider n Toby

    Spider n Toby Gold Member

    Oh please.. Multiple quotes I can't on here
     
  4. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    Im sure if you knew what I had contradicted myself on you could have just said it by now S&T. Dont worry, wont hold it against you. Enjoy the rest of your night.
     
  5. Que Sera Sera

    Que Sera Sera Well-known Member

    Im still sort of confused.

    Saying I think you or anybody needs counselling if they blame themselves for the Daniel situation or your situation is wrong because I should have said used the word think rather than I suggest. Either wording is my opinion.

    I dont think you should even partly blame yourself. Jesus, how were you to know that it was going to turn out so horribly?

    So what Im getting from this is that your angry at me because I think you are too hard on yourself by blaming yourself? Correct?
     
  6. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    No QSS that is not what I think you are trying to say re: too hard on myself. And as you dont know me I will tell you I did see this coming which is a part of what I plan on informing you of.

    And you never referred to anyone but me in your post about the "requiring counselling" so it is pretty obvious that was directed at me.

    ETA: I am not angry at you, I am FRUSTRATED at you and other people who think they know me and judge me and have absolutely no idea about me, who I really am or where I am coming from. So for once and all at least with you I would like to set that story straight.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2011
  7. Que Sera Sera

    Que Sera Sera Well-known Member

    So your saying that you should be blamed?
     
  8. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    If I thought that then I would have said it....geezzzzzz louisssssssse! So sick of repeating myself!

    I am saying that I can sympathise with those who have had children abducted, molested, raped, abused, abducted, murdered or whatever because I am in a similar situation, your child's innocence has been taken from your child through no fault of their own and perhaps it could have been avoided. Well I am a little different, I tried to avoid it. I was robbed of those rights and it frustrates me (not angered) that people cant see that regardless of what happened to Daniel, even if he had only say been hit by a car and survived, they (his parents) would always and still feel partly responsible. Its inbuilt into parents, you cant help but blame yourself in part or totally...you are there to protect your children...and sometimes you just cant as in my case and Daniels, we couldnt protect them even if we wanted to.

    God why is it so hard to explain things to people?? I just do not get it. Maybe its the way I type? Who knows but really...give me a f-ing break here, I am not out to be a "bad guy". FFS!
     
  9. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    whatever S&T there is no contradiction in what i have said so WHATEVER hey! Dont really care! :)*

    hmm what was that you deleted QSS?
     
  10. Que Sera Sera

    Que Sera Sera Well-known Member

    I agree that it is an inbuilt emotion to feel responsible, but that doesnt make it a correct emotion to feel. I dont agree that we should stop giving children trust they have earned or some freedom because of some percieved fear. At what age do we let go of the strings? I dont trust the 20 year old as far as I can throw her to make sensible decisions for herself. I do trust the 17 year old and I have trusted her for a few years. Legally the 20 year old is able to make decisions for herself that the 17 year old cant, however I think the 17 year old would have better sense.

    Yes Im still confused as to why you are angry and reactive toward me.

    If you said you were going to drive to Bunbury from Perth tomorrow in my little town car, and I said to you "If you think your going to get there on 1/4 tank of fuel, then I think you need to go read the manual and readjust your expectations" would you get angry? Or would you say, "Yeah I know, I just filled it up"?
     
  11. Que Sera Sera

    Que Sera Sera Well-known Member

    I didnt delete anything important I can think of. I have been adjusting some spelling. I did have a post with "I us" :D
     
  12. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    you are now comparing fuel in a car to how a parent feels when their child has been abducted, murdered, abused etc.....poor comparison QSS ...poor!

    So let me ask you why you think your 17 year old would have better sense?

    Oh and why is that not a correct emotion for someone in my position to feel....says who? says you? are you a qualified psychologist? Are you a qualified counsellor? Are you experienced in dealing with families who have experienced the above mentioned traumas and more???

    Just trying to NOT judge you as you have NOT done for me!

    - Cav

    Edited spelling and because I am tired of having to justify myself to every person who thinks they know something about nothing.....here goes Child abuse Squad tomorrow morning!!!
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2011
  13. Que Sera Sera

    Que Sera Sera Well-known Member

    No I was comparing your reaction to me thinking/suggesting that if you blamed yourself you needed counselling. So I again ask, why are you so angry and hostile towards me?

    So are you saying that a parent should feel guilty if something outside of their control happens to their child? I said that its an understandable emotion, but yes I dont think its a correct emotion, just as when someone gets angry you can understand them wanting to smack someone, but its not correct to do so.

    I trust the 17 year old more as she has shown better emotional maturity than the 20 year old by putting herself in safe situations and letting us know what is going on, were she is at ect. The 20 year old is emotionally immature and has put herself in unsafe situations were she has been physically hurt, even after repeated warnings from us. She is 20 so legally there is nothing we can do, we just have to let go and pray she doesnt end injured or worse.

    I will also mentiont the 22 year old who has better sense than both of them and still sends me a text message stating what time she will be home or if she is staying at a friends house. Though I expect that will stop now as she just moved into the house she bought today. Yipee thats one off our hands LOL
     
  14. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    So are you saying QSS you feel relieved that your eldest wont be contacting you anymore about her whereabouts and therefore by your "yippee thats one off our hands" you no longer care about her???

    I know what you are doing by the way you structure your questions for me. :)

    We will continue this conversation on Friday as planned.

    Ciao.
     
  15. Que Sera Sera

    Que Sera Sera Well-known Member

    Im asking you questions so I can make sure I understand where you are coming from. You keep accusing me making assumptions, now youre having a go at me cause Im trying to get my facts straight by asking questions. Im damned if I do, Im damned if I dont.

    No I wont be relieved, but as stated I trust her more than the other 2 to make the right decisions for herself. I am a little happy yes. She has turned out to have a sensible head on her shoulders and Im very confident that she will be able to meet the challenges life holds for her long after Im gone. Im proud that at the age of 22 she hasnt made any major stuff ups in life like I did having her at 17 and Im proud that we have a very good relationship. You never stop caring about your chlldren, but fostering has taught me (plus a few other life lessons) that we cant control everything, and sometimes we just have to accept the situation, and hope for the best. Thats were Im at with the 20 year old, but at least with the 22 year old I dont have that need to keep reminding myself of that as she is on the right track and it will probably be a situation completely outside of her control or my control should any emotional upheaval be felt, like when she nearly died from the PE.
     
  16. sambo

    sambo Well-known Member

    Cav, i am wondering if what has happened to you and your child is making your other senses heightened and maybe a bit off center/knee jerk reaction?

    I am one of those parents who thinks alot about the "what if's" but i can't suffocate my children s lives for my sake of sanity! All my children have had me as their sole carer from birth, because i didn't trust anyone else to do as good as job as i think i can/could.

    Like i said before, if something happened to my children either my fault or not, i don't know how i would be-able to function. But we all want to live a fulfilling life.:)
     
  17. mod 7

    mod 7 Moderator

    Don't make is personal please. Get back on track.
     
  18. Cav

    Cav Gold Member

    Oh here we go ...good morning! @)

    Sambo...nope again another incorrect assumption about me, you can all get off the "i wonder if you are feeling this, thinking that, so you're saying that" boat now thanks! :) ';'

    There is a difference between wrapping children in cotton wool and "suffocating" them and allowing them no freedom....and....protecting your child as best you can by doing what you can to prevent situations or not place them in risky situations.

    Hope they find his remains soon so they can close the damn case.


    ETA sorry mod 7 didnt see your post.
     
  19. EVP

    EVP Gold Member

    Cav you seem to be agreeing more than disagreeing now.......this is exactly what I and a few others have been trying to say. Yet you still maintain that somehow Daniels parents were to blame for his murder because they failed in their parenting........then you say that "people shouldn't judge you because they don't know you"????????? Aren't you making wild judgements on the Morcombe family and their contributions to Daniels demise?

    You can no more protect your daughter from life than the rest of us good parents can. Doesn't matter what school they go to or who takes care of them on your behalf - every child is at risk of normal injury or God forbid fall prey to a sicko DESPITE the best of care and intentions. The very nature of sickos is that they blend, bend and worm situations to give them access or opportunity. And the reality of life is that accidents happen to kids in the normal realm of daily life - whether at home with mum or at day-care.

    You have your child in care.....some people (not me) might think that this is not in the best interest of bringing up a child.....that "dumping" kids at day-care is not good parenting? This is the same comparision to you stating that parents like the Morcombes are negligent.....

    Relying on others to provide the same vigilence and care for your child and saying because you pay for this therefore you are guaranteed of getting it, IS very naive........people in charge of children fail them everyday - either purposely or by accident. I think you need to acknowledge that you might think you have all your eggs in one basket for your child - but real life might have other ideas. While you can argue that you'll never be in Daniels parents position because your parenting is better - your child in the care of professionals and your expert attentions to safety won't even guarantee your child will be safe from life. Only the grace of God, good parenting and luck can give that.
     
  20. jumpingeventer

    jumpingeventer Well-known Member

    They have found bones! I'm praying that these are the bones of Daniel so his poor parents and ALL of the people involved can have some closure.

    Here is the news article I've been reading: Human bones found in Morcombe search

    Really hoping that they can put the man who did this behind bars for life.
     
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